I’m struggling!! I’m struggling to let you go because you’re my best friend, my lover, my business partner but the thought of not doing life with you hurts. You’re the guy that I always dreamed of when I go to sleep, you’re the only guy whose voice makes me feel all warm and bubbly inside. When I’m around you I feel so comfortable and protected. I would catch myself looking at you when you’re playing the game, getting dressed, sleeping and say to myself damn I’m really in love with you. I can feel your presence in any room before I even see you. Watching you overcome some of the internal battles, I’ve always found so beautiful. Us play fighting and you telling me to reach far knowing I can’t because of my t-rex arms in your words. Us roasting each other while our friends say dang that is a little too deep but we knew that it was just a joke. Watching you build a lego dollhouse with your daughter and the look on your face when you realized that it had so many pieces, was pricelist. But you stayed up all night to complete it anyway. Staying up til 2-3:00am on facetime with you while you’re putting together presentations for school and using my brain to assist you showed me that we will make a great team together. From us talking about our business ideas and deciding to put them together because we know we will make a great team together and I know the finances of business very well. To you giving me tight hugs when I needed it because my anxiety was getting the best of me and I just had a lot going on. To us praying together, especially when we got into an argument.
I’m struggling to let you go because I don’t understand why I still have to pray for you but I can’t be with you. I’m struggling to let you go because I wonder if the dreams about you will ever come true. But I realized that it’s not going to happen because I need to heal mentally, physically and spiritually before I can give you healthy love. I wish you nothing but the best.