Help, I have Childhood Trauma

As I get older I reflect on some things in my life. I realized the definition of childhood trauma that I was told as a kid was not correct. The definition I was told is that you only have childhood trauma when you are abused sexually and physically as a child. It wasn’t until I was an adult and realized the definition was wrong. 

When I was a kid there were a lot of things that happened in my childhood that were very unhealthy experiences, I did not realize the unhealthy experiences until I started going to therapy. Y’all I remember the session like it happened today. She asked, why do I freeze or jump when I hear a loud person or someone yelling. She also asked why I like quietness so much. I said to myself, she gets on my nerves and I am tired of seeing her(knowing I was lying). It was at that moment that I realized that the reason why I freeze or jump is because growing up my mom always talked so loud and yelled at me a lot. And because there were always people at our house who were loud as well. And the one time as a kid I asked could she not be so loud, her response was she is the parent, you do what I say do when I ask and then proceed to beat me. It was in that moment that I began to freeze every time my mom, dad, cousins, etc and they were loud I would jump or freeze. This moment is where I would go to the public library as a kid or over my friends house because it was quiet. Growing up I couldn’t think or focus on certain things at home because it was so noisy, which began the thought I am crazy because I like quietness

After my session with my therapist, I went home and cried like a baby. After my crying session I told God thank you for christian therapist who can recognize an area that I need serious healing in. My therapist and I started the process of how to remove unhealthy experiences in my life and to replace them with healthy experiences. So, I challenge you to replace your unhealthy childhood experiences and replace them with new ones.

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